Everyday Alchemy

I see finally see the light and it is shining on me…“

– Gloria Estefan

That is one song that I love at this time of the year. And so very apt.

Here we are coming out of the Winter Solstice. Last night was the longest night of the year, the longest dark. Alban Arthuan (the Light of Arthur) carries rich and vivid symbolism. It is a magical time. In so many ancient cultures, creation and magic come from the darkness. The Australian Aborigines talk of the Dreamtime. For Hawaiians, creation and the ancestors come from Po, the great void. In the darkness, we are confronted by our deepest fear and darkest shadows, directly and honestly. We must face our personal demons to move on.

However, the Solstice also reminds us that darkness is just one part of the cycle and out of the darkness comes the light. After the longest night comes the dawn…and every day from now until the Summer Solstice sees the light getting stronger and stronger. At this point, the light is just a flicker. It is almost like the pilot light that gradually ignites more and more fire in us and sparks us into new creation…just as Spring brings new creation in the world.

The richness of this event usually makes this my favorite of the celtic festivals as I tend to find it a refreshing and reflective alternative to the Christmas season. This year I have been far more focused on Christmas and being like a little kid again with all the sparkling lights, warm winter drinks and winter songs. The credit crunch seems to have made this year less commercial and therefore much easier to find the ”real spirit of Christmas“ (how very Charlie Brown).

I have not been able to escape the energy of the Solstice though. Despite my best efforts to avoid the shadows, I have not be able to stop my own gremlins and boogiemen from rearing their heads. This is the trouble with diversion and distraction tactics…our spirit always knows whats our greater purpose and direction and it seems that anything not in service of that has to come to the surface to be cleared. Without facing these things, we get stuck. In reality I have been stuck for a few weeks now as the dark clouds have descended. I might be focused on the happy carols, but the Universe and my psyche it seems have had other ideas.

The demons have come in many forms during a period of darkness that has lasted more than one night. Fears of inadequacy. Of feeling not qualified to do what I am choosing to step into as my vocation (”what on earth have I got to say about intuition, spirituality and creating magic?“). Fears of the unknown. What can seem like a great adventure in one moment can scare the bejeezus out of me during another moment. And then comes the real doozy. Abandonment. Of feeling like the world is a cold and lonely place and feeling separated and cut off from Spirit/Source/God/the Universe/the Divine. That one have been bubbling along in the undercurrents of my subconscious for a while and when I am feeling it, the black feelings are there – loneliness, despair, depression, guilt. The immediate relief comes through anger which at least gets some movement going. After all the years and all the work that I have done, nothing feels quite as bad as the feeling of separation from source.

In the past I would have tried to cover these feelings over. The law of attraction says that you get more of what you focus on…which is entirely true. But just because I would have distracted myself doesn’t mean the feelings weren’t there. There has been a big gift in all of this however – darkness does indeed serve a purpose as does light and the key is to maintain the flow. Getting stuck in either is not going to raise our vibration. And, just like getting unstuck when you are spinning your wheels in the mud, the first thing that has to happen stepping back and honestly appraising the situation…with courage…head on.

Shine a light on the shadow and guess what. It disappears. Like the Hermit in the Tarot, when we are alone in the dark, we have to shine our light on the shadows to fully perceive what is there. As we do that, the true gift is revealed….along with a tremendous amount of relief and joy. So, when you find yourself spinning your wheels, or stuck in a dark place, try these steps…

1. Be honest and take 100% responsibility for your shadow – this doesn’t mean blaming yourself. it just means slowing down and look at what is really going on. Taking the time to see what is coming up and why. Our spirit has a positive intent for everything so stop for a moment and ask “what am I feeling, and what is it’s highest positive intent?”. Then listen inside for the answer.
2. Write it down…then let it go – I find it easiest to write things out so that I can get the feeling and the underlying thoughts out and then look at them objectively. Once you have done this, you can use the elements to release the shadow. Either burn the paper (great for releasing), freeze it (great for stopping a situation), bury it (great for healing) or soak it and then flush it (great for letting go of emotions). Alternatively, sit and feel the feeling. Doing this consciously without judgement usually causes the feeling to shift in a few minutes.
3. Decide – once you have done the first two steps, you will have created a space which you will want to fill constructively and positively. So, decide what you want. The key here is to DECIDE (which means to cut off all other possibilities) and commit. Focus on what you want to want to create in your life and give yourself permission to do that. Any decision is better than no decision. The point is that you want to fill the vacuum with your intent, rather than letting your gremlins get their little grubby mitts on your newly formed blank canvas!
4. Act – there is only one thing that can truly and fully cement a positive intention. You have to take action. This not only sends a clear sign to the universe of your intent but provides you with feedback as to the next thing to do. Although this can feel tricky and difficult, you only have to be willing to take the first step…the Universe then steps up to meet you, hold you and give you guidance as to the best things you can do to get into and stay in the flow. Whatever happens, do not leave the situation without taking at least one small action towards your intention. So, what is the first step?
5. Trust - the biggest learning I have had in this period, it is that actually Spirit never went away and that the feelings of separation are just that…feelings. As I have come back to being honest, letting things go and deciding what I want, there has been evidence of Spirit in the whole process. When we step through the darkness, Spirit WILL meet us, hold us and guide us back towards light.

And so it is that I find coming out of the dark, I am finally seeing glimmers of the light and feeling it shine on me. Better to be honest and let these things go than be Pollyanna. Thank you Spirit and Gloria for the inspiration ))).

Related posts:

1. The Winter Solstice and the Turning of the Year

Category: Intentions by Krish Surroy