Home.  Is where the heart is.  Or so they say…

Home has been a subject of much thought and discussion for me recently, both with friends who definitely have a sense of home and others who have a place to live but don’t consider it to be home.  I have recently moved to a whole new town and with my partner am starting to look for homes in a whole new area of the country (Somerset!), based purely on a notion of what feels like home to us.

Where I grew up as a boy?

According to the dictionary, the word home means “the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household”.  It describes a physical place, with an element of longitude of time.  However, surely the concept of home is so much more than this…if it is this, how can someone go somewhere they have never been before, yet still feel like they have “come home”.

If it is purely down to the dictionary definition, I can describe where I grew up as “home” and to some degree it always will be.  However, it is not somewhere I identify with and it certainly doesn’t feel like home.  It can mean so many different things but usually seems to describe far more of a sense, feeling or knowing than an objective fact.

As I talk to people and reflect myself, there are common elements to what feels like home:

  • a sense of comfort and relaxation
  • a sense of feeling safe and secure
  • a sense of being able to be exactly who you are without excuses or justification
  • a feeling of sanctuary and being nurtured/nourished
  • a physicality that appeals to the senses, whether visually, auditorialy or with certain smells or textures

I am sure that there are many other elements, but these seem to come up – often.  You have probably noticed though that I haven’t necessarily described a physical space.  I have said that there is a sense of physicality but this doesn’t necessarily relate to a location or type of dwelling.  Home is definitely where the heart is i.e. it is a felt sense, but it is more literal than that – home is where our physical heart is as well.

Not just a house, a cottage or treehouse…

As I stop and reflect on where I would love to live and what kind of environment I find most nourishing, I have to stop and look at just how at home I feel in my own skin, in my very own body.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience, part of which is the home we have in our body.  We are also divine creators who create from the inside out i.e. what we feel and think within become our external reality.  This being the case, how can I possibly feel at home anywhere, if I am not feeling comfortable in my own skin?

So often, I look in the mirror and I catch my thoughts which can go along the lines of “way too fat”, “huge gut”, “flabby arse” and so on.  Sometimes, much worse.  Fortunately, I know that my thoughts are a product of my ego mind rather than the greater me and that helps.

But, as the song says, “Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home”.  Unlike any house, apartment, mansion etc, our body is our home until we pass out of this lifetime so attacking and criticising it doesn’t help matters.  This simply begets more attacking and criticising and before much longer, your home-body doesn’t feel like home.  Yet you can’t get a bigger mortgage and simply buy a younger model (well, you can get plastic surgery but that usually won’t fix the underlying feeling).

Creating your own home

For me, feeling at home is important.  I don’t mean sitting on my laurels or being lazy, but I mean being respectful, loving and compassionate in all that I do (at least I aspire to be!) and feeling those things is how I can feel at home, in my body, in my apartment, in my work.

How I go about creating a home is no different whether I am talking about the gorgeous cottage in the west country or my own body!  If I want to feel at home in the former, it will help to be at home in the latter…and at that point, where I live probably doesn’t matter quite so much.

So, next time you are feeling uncomfortable in your own skin (feeling too lazy/fat/lethargic/manic) or in the skin of your dwelling, take time to consider what will bring you home again.  After all, if home is where the heart is i.e. it is a feeling, we can feel at home right here, right now.  And that has got to be a good thing!

TRY THIS!

In a notebook or journal, take some time to think and feel about what makes “home” for you.  You can think about these in relation to home in the dictionary sense i.e. a physical place, or in a greater sense throughout your whole life e.g. in your body, your relationship.  As with any kind of creative exercise, having fun conjuring this up, finding joy in it and being compassionate will bring the inspiration flooding in!

  • ESSENCE – What is the essence of “home” to you?  What does “home” mean?  Is it just a physical space?  Is it a feeling? What does it apply to – your house, your body, your relationship?  What are the key ingredients to “home”? What are the non-negotiables i.e. the must haves?
  • FEELING – What does “feeling at home” feel like?  What do you want it to feel like?  How do you know when you are not feeling at home – in your house, your body, your relationship?  What can you do RIGHT NOW to evoke that feeling of being home?
  • FORM – what does home look/sound/feel/smell/taste like? (key tip: get as sensual and involved as you can with this!…let your senses run amok and see what inspiration you get!) What is most appropriate for the space?  What can you do RIGHT NOW to help the space feel more like home?  What small changes can you make over time?

As you consider these questions, remember that this is about being compassionate and sympathetic to the space, whether it is a house or your body or your work!  So, for example, trying to turn a little old cottage into a state of the art, uber-modern open plan, probably won’t work.  We will always get more inspiration and a sense of home when we love and accept the space for what it is.

As for me, that little cottage in the west country is definitely calling.  After that, the little house in the great wild forest (yup, just like the one above!).  What is home for you?

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